Depression and Relationships

Relationships are hard as it is.
It's a two way effort to: connect and respect someone. If you don't get that affection or experience the effort of them trying to give you the affection; it's pretty much a wasted cause to keep trying.
When you have depression affecting your emotions and feelings, it makes having any kind of relationship, either that be family, friends or lovers; a lot harder.

You find it hard to know what you want. They don't know what you want. They try and help you. You don't want their help, you want alone time. They don't want you to push them away, but you feel that its right because you feel all messed up inside and you don't want to put them in a bad mood, but then they're in a bad mood because you're pushing them away. A vicious cycle.
Its happens to the best of us. 
We are all human. We sense. We love. 


With depression and anxiety, every fear, worry, a thought that may cross your mind heightens. During the low days when the strange sadness overwhelms you, your mind either goes into over drive, or just doesn't want to feel any more. 

My experience is my own and shouldn't in any way be used as a self diagnosis or has a comparison. Everything in this post explains my situation; how I deal and have dealt with it.
Everyone has their own struggle, feelings and cure. I can only do my best to educate; possibly help you get through and understand how depression can affect people around you. 

Family

I've had many, many struggles with my family. I still do to this day. Nothing is perfect.
The way I think and express my opinions are completely different to my parents. I feel very out of touch with them due to the difference in cultures they and I were raised in. They have a very set way of thinking. They still won't believe or accept how depression can affect anyone of any age, gender or race.
"You're just feeling sad Priya. Have some food"
Saying that, my parents have still supported me in certain aspects of my life. Now I've moved away from home, I find you can become very disconnected from from family and its easy to distant yourself. I do miss them and I try and call them every week and have long chats with them. Its important to connect and talk, even if sometime it can lead to arguments or misunderstandings.
If you have a connection and you get along with your parents like friends...I am jealous of you. I've never had that and don't think I will till I'm older which bothers me.
Since I've moved away, my parents obviously don't see me much. I think somehow that makes me and my parents appreciate each others company more when I do go and visit. My relationship with my parents has changed and I think It's changed for the better. They seem to understand me more and personally I feel like I communicate with them a lot better now then I use to in my teenage years...throwing a tantrum.

Friends

Now, I've got a great handful of friends and I'm super thankful of them. They've supported me through some really difficult times in my teen years. Now that I'm 20, doesn't mean the down days have gone away. I still get them and I'm happy for having friends that understand and talk me through it and listen.
You find that your friends can be more understanding then your parents. For obvious reasons, such as; they're the same age as you, they understand your situation and they're your mates, course they're gonna back you up.
Sometimes though...I can be a bitch. I will cut myself out of any conversation, I'll over think certain conversations and worry if I'm wanted there or not, or I will just whine. That's how my mind works.
To my friends reading this: MATE, I'm so sorry! I'm such an idiot, I know! I love you for dealing with Priya!
Friends are amazing and the only advice I would strongly give is; let them know how much they mean to you and try, try, try your very best to not push them away.
I lost a fair few friends from becoming down and/or becoming dependant on one person, so in turn I slowly lost a few of my friends who didn't understand and had no idea what was happening to me,

Flame 

(Boyfriend / Girlfriend)
NOW...I'll play my little violin here. I have no luck...I've been told I give a lot more and expect nothing in return. So any past relationships I've had, have been in total shambles.
I've done the mistake of where I'd get so involved with that one person, everyone around slowly start taking a back seat. I use to over think everything that, that person would do: why did he text me that? What did he mean? Did he not want me there? every little scenario was heightened.
Looking back now I tut at myself. I made a deal with myself: that my friends will always come before my 'Flame'.
Its taken me a long long time to turn myself into a "Sassy-independent-women", and yes, there are times I've felt myself slip and back into a corner and isolate myself. Why do I do it? I always ask myself that question. Communication in a 'Flame' relationship is so, so, so important and I can't stress that enough. I have made myself ill by overthinking everything and stressing out if I'm being the person they want me to be...even though I'm ok the way I am.
Even now I struggle with communicating with someone that I'm interested in, it scares me a little to speak my mind, because I think I'll sound weird or say something they won't like...
After 3 very bad relationships in a row, I decided to change the way I thought and the way I got involved with someone. I even changed my diet and decided to concentrate on myself and keep myself going.
I've spoken to people that I've met through me blogging about my depression about how they feel that they've broken the barrier and began concentrating on themselves. Like I've said before: Trying to like me, never mind love me, is hard... How can I put myself across to a person that I like/love when I don't understand half the time, what's going on in my own head.

Doesn't matter which relationship you try to build and keep; family, friends or flame, time away from them and time for you to think is important. Just don't push them away or over think situations. It makes it harder for you to cope, it makes you sad, it makes you spiral down.
You're strong, and anyone who means something to you, will definitely understand you and your beautiful crazy mind. So keep smiling.

Thank you for reading this! My Concealed Depression post is still the most read on my blog and I thank the people that have got in touch with me through my Facebook and for people who have seen me out and spoken to me about their experiences and its amazing to connect with you guys. I'm not alone and you're definitely not alone! 
Thank you so much


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